So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found puke in my bra..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
