Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
