my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
