i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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