It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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