My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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