she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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