Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
