Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I believe in your delicious
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
