when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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