I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
