first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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