the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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