I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
