She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
