so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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