I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize