how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
