So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize