Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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