I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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