The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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