I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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