White coat. Heels.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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