saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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