you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
