she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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