she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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