By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dick very happy bro
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
