dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
