he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's great music for shaving your balls
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
