My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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