see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
