Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize