I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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