East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
