I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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