I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
