don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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