The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
