Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
