Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
