I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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