Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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