A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
