I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
