I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
