Umm I'm too high to move.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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