She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
