Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
