the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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