theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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