YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
