im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize