what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
