i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
