All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
