I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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