my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
