He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
