I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
