Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize