Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
