Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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