Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
