There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
