So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
