He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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