bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
