what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
